Who am i not to trust

 The door was closed, and so was my heart, I tried putting my hand on the handle for him but maybe we drifted apart, At the doorstep of his heart, maybe a knock would bring him alive, or I was just afraid of what I might find... Emptiness was all I saw. Maybe he had already sown his seeds and gone. In a lucid dream, I saw the bridges of my imagination and reality, where I had to begin my path. I was waiting for his signals to find my path. These nights are without darkness and my days are without pain. Finally, my tears have stopped for me to drain in the rain. I am sinking in the ocean of your tragic darkness, where my life has lost its will to live. These nights are without darkness, my days are without pain, and I am waiting for someone who hasn't changed... I love you more than the poets love the moon; I love you every day and every night; I love how you make me smile. If I am lost I want u to be my destiny. I love you more than the distance between us and  I  love yo...

 "My eyes left yesterday, my heart felt forever....." Thinking about it makes me sad, but I still do...Maybe I am happily sad... He heard my quietness, and he felt my silence... I wasn't sleeping I was awake I wanted you to wait, I was losing my breath but my mind was still I just needed you to be there..my cry for help everybody heard but maybe your ears were deaf for it... The smile everybody saw but you saw the tears for it...Dissolve me in your soul I will fade, say your name I will chase, give me your hymns I will pray, just make me yours I will stay...I am not me I am the reflection of you in the mirror, the one you admire the most to see..but the mirror just broke did it break you and me? I wish my sore eyes could show my love or my bass voice or the fact that I am still half for the other half... Sometimes it takes as much as winter to make you cold but what if the blanket of fanciness that used to make me feel warm is making me feel sore..maybe it would take as l...

U r too fat or U r too thin... the society can never be happy for the way u r especially in India. I was flabby as a child I was always told how extremely fat I was. Ppl used to tease me a lot for them it was just a joke but for me, it made me want to change myself gradually I became perfect in the societies eyes. Now, as per ppl I am too thin few months back I was perfect according to them. I have been trolled for my shape since childhood back then I was too fat that clothes won't fit in and now acc to them I am too thin that I look unwell.  A lot of ppl have started commenting on my shape lately someday they say,"ur ass is too big!" Somedays they say,"u r so flat!!"  No one has the right to comment on my body or anyone's till the time they know what u r going though.  Did u suffer from eating disorder since u were 12? Do u suffer from PTSD? Do u suffer from depression? Do u know what real depression is? Were u told since the age of 6 that u won't be al...

"His eyes didn't lie, that smile didn't lie, those lips didn't lie" I don't know why I don't feel he is gone; I still feel he will text me "Hey, I LOVE YOU, HONEY!" just like he used to say. Everyone is saying he is gone, he won't come, he never loved you, he used you, he must have moved on but I feel he loves me even now it has been almost four months since we broke up but a part of him is still in me, the memories he gave me will always and always will be with me, my love for him can never fade away because he is my life not a part of it. HE IS ME. The day I realized that he is the one at that very moment I lost everything and gained everything at the same time. I lost all other attachments and I made him my everything. I dreamt forever with him. He promised me forever but maybe we will get back together someday. He became my world, my breath, my life, my family, and my home.  I texted him 15 days ago, and he blocked me. No matter whatever ...

  Our first conversation, the first time you said "I love you", the first time u looked into my eyes, the first time you held me close to you, the first time your lips were on mine, the first time I laid down on your chest, the first time you played with my hair, the first time you kissed my neck, our first date, our first picture today, the first time we talked on a call... Well, I remember it all too well... I was always scared of his leaving me and I often asked him if he was going to leave me someday...he always said never. He used to say whenever this thought comes I should just remember how much he loves me... I believe him......but maybe after all he forgot me... I see you every day But that's not enough I got this seeker running along a lonely line Always trying to make my keeper mine ~Weyes Blood   It was our second date we were in a restaurant the above song was playing and he couldn't stop vibing on it. It took two days to find this song for our 2nd month...

 "Maybe someone who kisses my eyes a billion times before my lips" Running away from things is very easy deleting everything from your social media which had them, pretending that it never happened, if you think this is moving on it isn't moving on means you are accepting the fact that they are gone from your life and maybe they aren't ever gonna come back and you are going on with your life.  He almost killed me indirectly but, he did.  I messaged him, he got angry i guess, my heart racing my words fumbling. I fainted I was shivering, my body was ice cold as my friend told me. Everyone thought it was an anxiety attack but it was a heart attack on a broken heart. Can someone get so attached to their partner emotionally that just a few words said by them give a heart attack? He came to know I was unwell it didn't even affect him, he didn't even care, he just wanted to get rid of me.  I did love him and I did feel loved by him but I guess it wasn't meant to ...

 "What about when someone doesn't need a shoulder? What if they need the arms?" -Stephen Chbosky It felt right somehow everything about him, just felt it was meant to be. Well, if you have been reading my blogs you are certainly sure of the fact, that I don't have good luck in love, unfortunately, I always thought love is enough but it isn't. I love him more than anything in this universe but that is not enough. I love him but still, I wasn't able to understand him, support him and make him realize that I am always going to be there for him. He met me when I was in pieces, he healed me just within two months, and then he broke me in a way I never thought. Why is it hard to move on? I am scared to move on honestly, because now when I think of the person I loved before him, I have totally forgotten him, the memories with him are faded it just feels like I never loved him, and I am scared to move on because I don't want to forget the guy I...