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I still love you

 

Our first conversation, the first time you said "I love you", the first time u looked into my eyes, the first time you held me close to you, the first time your lips were on mine, the first time I laid down on your chest, the first time you played with my hair, the first time you kissed my neck, our first date, our first picture today, the first time we talked on a call... Well, I remember it all too well...

I was always scared of his leaving me and I often asked him if he was going to leave me someday...he always said never. He used to say whenever this thought comes I should just remember how much he loves me... I believe him......but maybe after all he forgot me...


I see you every day
But that's not enough
I got this seeker running along a lonely line
Always trying to make my keeper mine

~Weyes Blood 


It was our second date we were in a restaurant the above song was playing and he couldn't stop vibing on it. It took two days to find this song for our 2nd month's video. I am a rom-com find and one of my favorites is "To all the boys I have loved before" in that movie, the couple was finding their song and I innocently thought this one was ours.

He was someone I thought will never hurt me, he promised me forever, he said I was his soulmate, and he always showered me with love and affection. 

Then one day...

He said it had to end due to some circumstances. He said he wants a break from me, after hearing this I was absolutely shattered because for me he is my everything my family, my life, my love, my happiness, I had never let anyone that close to me and he just felt so right. The day he ended it I said I won't be able to live without you and he said we have just been with each other for a while and it won't matter soon, but even after 2 months of our relationship ended I am not living, I am surviving with the hope that one day he will come because I know he loved me and my love for him is true and he will definitely come he will have to come, and if somehow it doesn't it won't matter because I made a promised with myself I will love him and only him for the rest of my life. If his happiness is to be without me then be it that I am already his it doesn't if he won't be mine.

I have always thought of me and him as Ross and Rachel from Friends and trust me we have had some of the same moments as them, but we will only be able to love each other like them if we suffer they were separate for 6 years (sorry if I am wrong) so maybe we have to be without each other for some time.

With seriously no contact with him now I hope he reads I have no idea how but if you are reading I love you still and I always will and I am sorry for whatever I did...

There are a lot of things left that we had to do together, we had to click those pictures we thought we will the next time we meet, we had to slow dance, we had to watch friends together, we had to cuddle for hours, we have to go to a place with fireworks to take the picture I always wanted, u said someday you want me to cook for you, I just want to be in your arms again for once and I want to tell you I still do.......

I wish he is my lobster-like Ross was of Rachel 

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